Sad Eyes
by LukesDragon
Summary: Jowy thinking about the past and what he has lost


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"Sad Eyes" By Luke's Dragon

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Disclaimer

Suikoden II and all characters are not mine what so ever. Massive surprise I'm sure

CAUTION contains spoilers

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A/N

This is a quick fic from Jowy's POV on the hero and some of the events up until the point just following Luca's death. It's a sort of letter that was never sent thingy.

Anyway as with all my other Suikoden II fic's the Hero is called Reo, the army is the Dragon Army and the castle is Phoenix Castle.

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This is probably a stupid question, and I bet you already know the answer to it, but I'll ask it anyway. What is the hardest thing to lose? I guess there are a lot of answers, and it's probably a very personal thing, some people might say freedom, or life or love but as for me, I'd say it was friendship, more specially the friendship me and you had. The friendship I lost that day in Muse, and it is the thing that more than anything else does keeps weighing on my mind. Even when I see you on the battlefield I'm reminded that all those people fighting alongside you, Viktor, Flik, Namami, they all follow you because they believe in you. I wish I had people like that in my life still, but as I said, I lost it what seems like a long time ago.

Friendship, I always though you and me would be friends forever whatever path we walked we would be side by side. I always thought that no power on earth could separate us. And you know what? I was almost right. 

If it hadn't been for these runes we both bear sword and shield would we be fighting each other? I wonder who got the better deal, when you look at it me with my black sword was always going to be the villain, true I have the power to destroy, but you can protect I guess I'm envious of that. But you can call me a villain all you want, I know what I have to do, I've known ever since that day in Ryube Village. I want to create a world without war, where children can grow up in peace. I know you want the same thing too, it seems crazy that we're fighting but I'm beginning to realize that my will is not entirely my own in this matter. I know that my strategists and advisors know what they are talking about but sometimes I feel as though I'm just a figurehead, maybe you feel the same way too. I hope so in a way. Hope we've still got something's in common.

I know back when we 'found' is that the right term for these runes? All I wanted was power but right here and now I'd give it all away if I could just turn the clock back to those happy days of our childhood's when we really believed in forever.

The world seems to have gone a little bit crazy these past few weeks doesn't it. A little bit is the biggest under-exaggeration ever though. I suppose the right word is hyperbole, everyone keeps telling me I need to sound smarter if I'm going to lead. I still can't get used to the idea though of you leading the Dragon Army, and me being the King of Highland. I hope that you do know that I would have liked you to be there at the wedding, it just wasn't the same without my best friend at my side, still I suppose that's one of the prices I have to pay for everything I've done. Can you really believe it, all those times as kids we used to play at being kings and having armies of knights to fight for us and now look at us? You know, it always used to be more fun when we were little. I suppose when someone dies in an adventure story it's only a word. 

I found out for myself what it feels like to murder when I killed Annabelle that day in Muse, true before we had killed monsters and even those highland soldiers but I can reason that away to self-defense. But to end another's life out of hatred or naked ambition is something else entirely. But then again I suppose you know that as well as I do. Maybe it was my plan that led to Luca's death but it was you who delivered the fatal blow. Did you know I watched it all unfold and I was actually happy when he died because I knew that now maybe my dream of peace could have a chance of coming true. I really must get around to thanking you for that someday; maybe if you left the Dragon Army we could…

No forget about it, it's a silly idea and it won't happen now anyway.

I pray every night that you and Nanami can forgive me some day for everything I've done, but you know I never meant to hurt you or lose you; it's just the way things worked out. But no matter what all my happiest memories are about the three of us together, and every night I dream we're all back in a much simpler time where everything wasn't as…complicated as it is now.

I can still remember that day we met again in Greenhill, how Nanami wanted us to all run away together, I knew it couldn't happen and so did you. You never said a word to me that day but your eyes told me all I needed to know I've always liked your eyes they always give you away. I know you don't like to say much but I could always tell what you were thinking by looking into your eyes. Do you know what I saw that day? Sadness, sadness and a sense of betrayal. For what it's worth it really hurt me to see you looking like that, I never could bear to see you unhappy. Maybe I deserve it, but I'm sure you don't feel that way, you could always see the best in everyone.

But one day I know it's going to come down to me versus you, even if it wasn't for the runes and destiny and all the rest of it I know we'll have to fight one day. For the fate of this country that we both love so much I'll fight you. And that scares me so much because I can't shake the feeling one of us isn't going to survive that battle, and no matter how much I regret all the deaths so far I doubt anything will prepare me for loosing you. No matter who prevails, I don't think either of us are going to come out of this as a winner.


End file.
